About a 6 days ago I did what any newly single gay guy does and set up a new online profile. I have been out of the loop for a while and wanted to make some new friends. No (before you say anything) not friends who bump nasties, just friends. Someone to talk to, go the movies with, someone who will laugh at your sorry ass when you stuff up. Most of my friends have either moved away or are busy having their own happily ever after.
Most of us have heard of Grindr or Growlr or Scruff but I had not heard of gaydar so I set up a profile on there. My opening statement is “I am not looking for Mr Right or Mr Right-Now, I am looking to find some new friends.” Honestly when did “find new friends” equate to someone looking to hook-up? On Gaydar there is a feature (a lot like the facebook poke) and it is called a wink. Seems harmless enough you would think.
Nowadays apparently a wink means a hell of a lot more than it used to. To me a wink means “hey, hows it going?” a simple greeting and that then gives the other person a chance to view your profile and if they want to chat to you they either wink back or say hello. Apparently a wink means you want to have the soul slammed out of you by the person you winked at. This is how I found out about this definition of winking.
A few days ago a gentleman winked at me, so I looked at his profile and like mine it stated that he liked comics, cosplay, and fun geekery. So I thought hey yeah someone with the same interest so I winked back. So for a few days we chatted about things like which is better DC or Marvel, Marvel’s films and whether we liked the new series ‘Gotham’ or not. (PS I still don’t have an opinion and I have watched the pilot episode 3 times now) So this morning while debating with Robin was the best (Obviously it’s Dick Grayson the original and the best) he suggested that we catch up and have a coffee. Hey, I thought, why not. So we met at the coffee shop, he ordered a latte and I ordered a pot of green tea for one. So we sat and talked some more about film adaptations and out of the blue he leans across the table and says to me (I kid you not) “You know I don’t find you physically attractive.” For several seconds I paused with my tea cup still to my lips. It was those several seconds that I quickly decided what to do. I slowly lowered the cup and placed it back on the saucer, picked up my wallet, phone and keys that were sitting on the table and just walked away.
I had no idea what else to do. I was shocked. I was offended. All I kept thinking was “who the hell talks like that?”
Living so close to the cafe, I was home by the time my phone rang. I answered it and it was him. He felt he needed to justify what he said. He told me that he thought we were making a connection with each other and the natural progression was to meet for coffee and see where it took us. Ummm yeah the connection was called a friendship (dumb-ass). He stated that I was too buff for him. He wanted someone more heavier set, in other words he was/is a chubby chaser (I still object to that term but that is what a person I know tells me they like to be called). Seriously this guy did nothing more than make the situation worse by justifying it and thinking that was a good enough reason to stuff up what could be a cool friendship. He said to me “we can still be friends”. I’m sorry but the fact you even thought you were going to go there in the first place is enough to make me punch you in the head (metaphorically speaking).
What has happened to the gay community over the years, we were a very tight group of people. We made friends and supported each other because as a sub-culture we were shunned by the population as a whole. Nowadays because most of the “rights” battles are fought and won and they no longer need to hide who they are they no longer need to be friends or be around each other when they can get online and with the click of a button order up sex like dialing a pizza. Am I too old in my thinking? So yeah gay moron 1 – Gay friends 0.