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Hi gang

You wouldn’t believe it!

I successfully spent nearly 3 hours at the gym today. After stretching (10 mins) I did a bit of kickboxing practice (30 mins). That lead me to do a massive treadmill session (2 hours) and then another cool down (10 mins).

When I walked out of there today I was so freaking exhausted and my legs felt like jelly. However I did start watching the series Spartacus. Two episodes in and I think it could be interesting enough to keep me watching. Best thing is it has finished so I won’t be waiting for more episodes to come.

Somone told me once that your body needs fuel to keep going. So yesterday morning I broke up 3 bananas into a bowl, added a handful of dried cranberries and topped that with a cup of Greek yoghurt (it’s a combo I’ve been having for a while). After I finished at the gym I ate a handful of unsalted mixed nuts and had a big glass of tomato juice. That is all I ate all day. I looked in the fridge, the pantry and the freezer for something to interest me and I couldn’t find anything. You would think that with the amount of money I spend on Groceries each week there would be something… but no :(

If nothing else the fuel that I am burning up is that which I have in reserve i.e. the fat I collected during my period of post-cancer meds and inactivity. I can see it coming off and that is a good thing.

That all being said, my legs feel great now. I think they are getting used to the long long long treadmill sessions. The things that are feeling a little weird now are my arms after my boxing practice. It’s this weird combo of exhaustion and but they just keep shaking and vibrating – it’s made typing this post very interesting. One thing I would like to point out though is I am becoming more interested in getting a training buddy, someone who will keep me motivated and I for them, someone who will spot me when I’m doing weights etc. Before this never appealed to me because of my shoulder injury, but now that I have regained some muscle in the area and it’s not dislocating daily for example I would like to go further. Two things that are holding me back – no matter how much weight I loose I still see myself as morbidly obese and the other thing is being a gay guy bulking up and body building is not seen as kosher.

Do they even let gay guys into the free weights section among all the alpha males? It’s times like this I miss my trainer, Evan, he really was the highlight to my week before he moved back home to the states. Obama (I’m going to assume you’re reading this) please send Evan back he really is the greatest export you have (besides Reese’s Pieces obviously).

Come what may with my relationship at least I am going to look freaking good come summer.

Until later

P.S. If anyone read last nights blog post (options???) I’m still looking for input / feedback.



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Hi gang

As I said in a post previously my current partner has just come out as Asexual. This revelation came after he read some of my notes for my thesis.

Things that have come out of our discussions thus far…
1) He felt pressured into being intimate with me in the past.
2) He never really enjoyed the times that we were intimate.
3) If he is never intimate again he wouldn’t mind.
4) He is happy to pleasure himself, just not with me in the room.

So yeah, that has been a kick in the guts. My ego has taken a fair bruising as I want to feel desirable and being intimate helps reinforce that. Without the intimacy I feel as though you are not fully connected to a person. If you’re only connected mentally or emotionally then that is only a good strong friendship not a coupling or partnership.

Do I still care for him? Yes
Do I still want to be with him? I don’t know anymore.
How do I feel about him right now? Betrayed, kind of like he lied to me all this time about who he really was.

I guess it’s better to find out now then 10-12 years down the track.

So the way I see it I have 3 options…
1) I am forced into becoming celebate of sorts. This does not appeal at all.
2) I break it off. After having to start again after a 10 year relationship a few years ago, starting over again after a 3 year relationship is definitely unappealing.
3) I stay with him but have a person on the side for recreational purposes. Is it weird that that seems to be the only one that works (in my head anyway)

I don’t know gang.

Do any of you have any helpful suggestions or advice?

Until later



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Hi gang

I would love to ask you all a question, and I would love to hear your answers… If you could invite 5 people (Dead or Alive) to dinner who would they be, why would you invite them and what would you serve for dinner?


1) MERVYN PEAKE – He is the author of one of my favourite series on the entire planet, the Gormenghast Trilogy. I would love to quiz him about the books and have him sign my illustrated copy. It is because of his work that I prefer to ask why, than just follow the world blindly.

2) BEN COHEN – English rugby player and founder of the Stand-up foundation. This man is a gentle giant, very clever business man but has such a generous heart for being a spokesperson for those bullied because they are different to the “norm”. I would just invite him to say thank you for all the great work he has done.

3) TIM BURTON – Director and Producer. This man has been such an inspiration to me and my artistic / writing process. nothing you do is ever wasted and can fuel better stories in the future. I would love to convince him to make the original Wizard of Oz book into a movie and this time include all the dark parts which the other movie didn’t even look at.

4) SIMON CURTIS – Music producer and song writer. A nice collection of tracks under his belt this guys music penetrates my soul with its thoughtful lyrics and great base beats. I would love to hear about his experiences in the music industry being an artist who record labels seem to avoid so much and find out why.

5) MIRANDA HART – One of the funniest women in the world (it really was a toss up between Miranda or Dawn French). Hilarious writer and comedian I would love to just have her to dinner because I think she would be incredible company for an evening.


ENTREE: Deep fried Camembert with cranberry sauce
Selection of finger foods
Selection of wines and beers

MAINS: Selection of roast meats – Chicken, Lamb, Pork
Vegetable bake made with season vegetable.
Steamed vegetables
Califlower with cheese / white sauce
Scallop potatoes
Selection of salads
Selection of Wines and Beers

DESSERT: Selection of small pies and tarts
e.g. Pumpkin Pie, Apple Pie, Lemon Curd Tart
Hot Chocolates
Green Tea
Loose leaf tea
Drippy coffee

I wonder if they would be happy with that?

Until later



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Hi gang

Training is going well for the fun run next week with the longer treadmill sessions on alternate days to my cross trainer/weight training days. On average I’m spending about 2 hours a day at the gym training.

There are two reasons I’m spending so much time training:

The first is the fun run coming up and I am determined to do it and not make a total fool of myself and come last. I know I wont come first but if I get in the top 20% I will be absolutely overjoyed. Yes, I will admit that I can be slightly competitive and that has been one of the great motivators of doing this whole thing. Even if it’s a competition within myself I will still stive to be better than I was last time. An example of this was today when I was doing my training – previously I accidently did the 104 minutes on the treadmill, today I did it deliberately but added an incline to it as well just so I could do better than I did last time.

The second reason has to do with my current relationship, I have spoken about it before with the whole no touching / lack of intimacy thing. Because of my studies I have been known to leave notes on the couch where I have been reading them. Little did I know was that my current partner had picked them up and has been reading about the variety of sexuality identifiers and what they mean etc. Over the last week he informed me that he doesn’t class himself as gay anymore but homo-romantic Asexual. So now I have kind of A) been avoiding him and B) trying to work out how I fix into the relationship. So all the pent-up sexual energy that I have been got has been thrown into my gym workouts. Ultimately rechanelling and refocusing all the untapped energy into something to benefit me not bring me down.

After the fun run though I will be down to one reason and I won’t be able to reasonably explain my increased time at the gym to him if he asks. Maybe I will tell him the truth or I may just avoid the subject all together – tell him I’m working toward a summer body or something simple like that. But until he asks I am not going to say anything and just keep travelling on.

BONUS: I am starting to look good. Clothes are fitting me a lot better and I feel alive with all this extra energy I have by not dragging around the blobby body that I had.

In every cloud there is a silver lining. This time next year I will be doing the whole cosplay thing and I am determined to look HOT!

Until later



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Hi gang

I had a lot of trouble sleeping this morning. I don’t know why, but I seem to be sleeping less and less these days… Not that I mind, it gives me more time to do things I need to do.

Well I went and saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT) movie. Funnily enough I didn’t mind it. Going to the local cinema – not a huge multiplex – it makes all the difference. I went to the 2:15 session and to my sheer delight I was the only person in the cinema. Don’t believe me have a look at the picture…


It was nice to have the cinema all to myself, I was able to enjoy the movie, drink my bottle of water, munch on some marshmallows and watch the movie in peace. I was able to check IMDB on my phone part way through the film – something I usually have to wait until the end of movie to do if I’m out at the cinema normally.

The movie itself wasn’t all that bad, there were nodds to the original animated series and the initialy live action films. It really was an update from the TMNT that I used to know, the humour was still cheesy as before and that I thought was a nice touch. I don’t want to give anything away so I’ll not say anything about the story itself. However the costume they used for Shedder was (in my opinion) too much and that kind of took so much away from the character. Seriously but because his character name is shredder does not mean that you had to make him look like a kitchen appliance gone wrong. All in all I am going to give it 2 out of 5. If for no other reason than they had some great actors in it and the nostalgia for the early 90s.

After that I went to the gym did an hour and a half cardio session (mostly because I felt guilty for eating marshmallows during the movie) giving me a distace of just over 9km travelled just in that session. While I was on the treadmill I watched episodes 3 & 4 of Defiance (season 2). If you haven’t checked it out yet I recommend giving it a go.

After training I came home ate a banana for dinner (really not feeling hungry at the moment) and then went to bed. Seriously is there any better sleep than when you have completely exhausted yourself working out? Mind you it was only for a couple of hours before I had to get up and go to work again.

Don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow but I think it’s going to be another great day (it’s upper body weight training tomorrow)

Until later



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Hi gang

Tomorrow the New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie comes out. I don’t agree with the new look of the turtles but I didn’t agree with the changing of bubmble bee in the transformers movie but still enjoyed it for the brainless distraction that it is. As for choosing Megan Fox as April O’Neil, not a fan of hers either. However I do Like Noel Fisher and Alan Ritchson so hopefully that will get me across the line.

It’s going to be hard to watch I think because I still love the 1990 film for all its naive charm and 90’s cheesiness. I know very little about the storyline of the film and I kind of think I like going to see something like this without any knowledge of what is to come. That way I can still get some surprises out of it.

I’ll let you all know what I think of it later.

While I was laying in bed playing on the iPad I heard the ice cream truck drive past my place. Seriously I thought I was going to drown with the way I was drooling. From wanting ice cream I started having cravings for dohnuts, plain dohnuts with cinnamon sugar on them. Then it occurred ot me what I wanted, Whole wheatgerm banana pancakes with mixed berry coolie and clotted cream. Sadly sometime you have to satisfy your cravings, so I went and got my pancake on.

After pancakes I headed down to Officeworks to get some new editing pens (I should never be allowed to be in that place alone). Of course I couldn’t just buy the pens and get out could I? The correct answer is no! And it’s not like I don’t have enough notebooks or paper to sink a battle ship. Be thankful though I did only keep it at one new notebook, $30+ dollars later and I got out of there relatively intact.

Feeling so guilty I went and did a massive workout at the gym (more than 2 hours I spent there) doing cardio and weight/strength training. By the time I drove home I looked like I had just been swimming in my clothes they were so wet.

Until later



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Hi gang

So this morning when I woke up I was full of beans and decided to do something with the day. So I got up, cleaned the house, did the laundry and baked some muesli bars. All before I had breakfast. (Just as a side note I have to pick up some Yoghurt). So after clicking around the internet, jumping from one hyperlink to another I got dressed and headed off to the gym.

Down there I ran into the owner and had a quick chat to him (always a great pleasure) and went and set myself up on the treadmill for some practice for the fun run which is in 11 days. Standing up there on the treadmill wearing a new tank top (something I have never worn before but have started too to show off my now tattoo) I pressed ‘GO’ on the touch screen. When I pressed it I thought that it would have just had a pre-set time of 60 minutes, most do so why not this one?!

So with a iPad open and sitting on the ledge where some of the women at the gym keep their glossy magazines I couldn’t see the screen properly. So I started the movie and off I went. It wasn’t until the movie had gone on for a bit I thought to myself that the session was going for a bit too long. However I didn’t want to break my stride and kept going, then the cool down phase started which I was more than thankful for. When the treadmill stopped I paused the movie and closed up my iPad only to find that I had walked (6.1 km/h) for 104 minutes (that included the 5 minute cooldown) which meant I walked 10.35 km. No wonder I was so freaking exhausted at the end of it and my feet were starting to hurt.

Best thing is I didn’t need to use my asthma inhaler once during the entire session, and I recovered quite quickly. I couldn’t believe it I walked a marathon effort just by sheer fluke. If I tried to do it again I think I could, but do I really want to? Considering I have only entered the 6km section of the city to bay. I hope I don’t embarrass myself on the day but with results like this I should do alright. Bigger, better, faster, stronger!

Until later



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Hi gang

We all have quirky little sayings that we use regularly. I say things like “cool” or “cool beans” when I agree or am happy with something like a response to a question. One of my favourite sayings is “I couldn’t give a rats ass”, if you’re not familiar with the expression it means that I don’t care either way about the situation.

Of late I have been using this more and more often, mostly because I really don’t care anymore. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with being back on daily medication for my hormone imbalance because of my last cancer surgery, but I really don’t care about anything anymore if I know I can’t control it.

I explained in a previous blog post the nature of my relationship, and putting my feelings on a computer screen help organiseit better in my head and now I feel less inclined to care about any of it. It’s not my problem it’s his and there is nothing I can do so why should I care about it anymore.

At work I am pretty much the same, I do what I have to and anything else is pushed into the too hard basket or I put it back into the hands of the person who SHOULD be taking on the responsibility. Again I have written about this, and since doing this the shifts I work are a lot less stressful. I talk to the residents pleasantly enough and do my job but besides that I try not to talk to anyone because that means being dragged into the workplace bullshit and I don’t need it in my life.

I am currently editing my creative piece for my PhD and I am slowly doing that knowing that due to the ticking of a random box (which I was advised to do by my supervisor) I am not due to finish until February 2016 I can take my time and make sure it is something I can be proud of. I still have to write a 20,000 word essay about it all by the end of February as well but that is something I have discussed with my suervisor and have already made a start on it (about 4,000 words into it) so with that I refuse to worry about my pace either.

Since the beginning of spring I have been working on my goals list in the post “Top 10 things I want to do before Summer begins…” One of those is meditate more often and in doing so I can feel the unnecessary stress and tension just melting away.

So when I say “I don’t give a rats ass!” believe me and trust me… I don’t! NOT ANY MORE.

Until later



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Hi gang

I would be the first to admit I love food, it really is one of the most enjoyable experiences that humans can be involved in. From the preparation, with all the fresh ingredients; to the cooking, with the aromatic sensuality you experience and finally the eating, the sheer joy of allowing the flavours become part of you with each spoonful/forkful that moves across your tongue.

For many years I believed that bloating and constant extremes in bowel movement was a normal part of life. I learned to live with it. Yes I was overweight and put it down to that. However, it turns out that the sensations I was living with were not normal. After reading an article in a nursing journal about Chrons I started to see a lot of similarities to symptoms I was experiencing. I went to the doctor with the evidence and once I paid my 20 cents and rode on the medical merry-go-round they diagnosed me with Chrons Disease. I have completely changed my diet and the way I look at food.

Since changing to a Chrons diet I have had no more bloating, or extremes in the poo department. While I was waiting for my tattooist I did the most stupid thing possible, I went had lunch at the bakery next door. Since my diagnosis I have become almost a Nazi when it comes to what food passes my list. But today I was bored and a bit peckish and that was the downfall of me. I justified it to myself that one small coffee and baked good wouldn’t hurt, how wring can one person be. Tonight as I sit here at work typing thing I am suffering with bloating pains and a feeling of bleh. I have no one to blame but myself. At the time I really did enjoy the flavours.

I love food, it hates me. Or to put it another way I psychologically love food, physically however my body hate it.

Until later


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