END OF WEEK ROUND-UP

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Hi gang

For this post I’m going to just catch you all up on the little bits that happened this week – stuff too small to become a post by themselves.

When you stop and listen to the words that people are saying, do you listen to just the words or are you listening to the tones, the inflection and the subtle nuances in speak pattern?

Ive been thinking a lot about the two-way communication between people. This was because most of the conversations I’ve been having with *my special someone* this week have been via messenger services because our timetables didn’t really match up. Without the added extras such as “lol” and various emoticons conversations are extremely dull and come across as very serious. So when you’re chatting to your potential future partner those little extras help make the conversation lively, fun and at times cheeky.

As I walked into a resident’s room a few nights back, she informed me that she always feels better knowing that I am walking into her room. When i asked her how did she know it was me, she said that I am very sure-footed. I had to quiz her on this concept because (aside from having mild dementia) saids some weird and wonderful things at times. She told me that the way I walk shows I am confident and in control of “the situation”. Yes I like to be in control, that’s just part of being an A-type personality, but as for confident… not on your nelly! This confident air, is a mask that I wear to make the residents feel better. In my home and personal life, I shy away from social interaction because I get tongue-tied and forget social protocols. A mate of mine thinks there are three reasons I’m like this
1. Because I have been in a long-term relationship. I don’t mingle with people anymore (also put on “happy” or “content” weight as part of the relationship)
2. I spend far too much time on Tumblr. He thinks most of the people there are weird and anti-social.
3. I have been studying far too long and think more like an academic at times and less like a person. Especially around the gay community as this is the focus of my studies I tend to analyse them more than communicate with them.
Part of me thinks part of all three may be correct.

I finished my Archery course and have graduated top of my class – yes you heard me top of my class! I’m not competitive much lol. In the last three ends we shot 6 arrows each shot and out of a total possible 180, I managed to get a grand total of 168. Yay me. For each coach there were four students. However, where I was shooting from in my group I was also listening to the instruction of the coach with the next group and was mixing the two sets of information into one lesson. Smart move I think, and listening to both got me the good scores I wanted. Now I just have to go and get my compund bow sorted. The guys at the club gave me the contact details for the man in the know. So I will call him in a few weeks once I have a few more $$$ in my pocket.

I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before but I have a MAJOR addiction to pumpkin spice, especially Pumpkin spice latte’s. So I did it I tracked down the ingrediants to make my own pumpkin spice and I’m pretty freaking happy about the result. I have put a small sprinkle in my ordinary decaf coffee at work and the whole this smells heavenly. I also warmed up some almond milk and stirred a little into it and I kid you not… my toes curled when I tasted it. If you would like the recipe here it is…
1/3 cup ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon ground ginger
1 tablespoon nutmeg or mace
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cloves
1 1/2 teaspoons ground allspice
– Put all the ingredients in a sealable container and shake the hell of it until everything is mixed well. Use as needed/wanted or until runs out (whichever one happens first). I also sprinkled a little onto a tealight candle. Light it and let the wax melt a little, blow it out, and sprinkle it on the softened wax and then relight the candle. Trust me it’s worth the little bit of hassle… seriously the smell is so homely.

Until later
G

THE DISCONNECTION OF HOME

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Hi gang

Earlier this week the internet at my place shit itself. It was acting weird as in one minute you would have great speeds and then the next minute you would be disconnected from the service all together. I can tell you now it was so frustrating to do anything online. In the end I turned the wifi off on my iPhone and just surfed the interwebs etc on that. All I can say is thank god I have a charging cable next to my bed these days because it chewed up the battery something fierce.

Normally I wouldn’t have phone chargers or anything like that in the bedroom, but since the breakup and most of my office is now in my bedroom I’m now forced to have it in there.

Not having a proper internet connection really does make life difficult, especially when you are so reliant on it for connections, entertainment, research and shopping. There’s a line in the old Joni Mitchell classic ‘Big Yellow Taxi’…”That you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone”. That is so true for the interwebs. In the beginning the internet was something that parents feared would rot the brains of their children, just like the television decades before. Now there are very few homes without it because of it potential for what it can do. Notice I said very few? There are some people out there that have no need for the internet or cannot afford to have it connected. For most households what was once a luxury item is not considered a typical utility like the electricity and the gas.

On Tuesday when the Quondam (I’m trying that as a name for the ex – what do you think?) rang the internet people (which I was glad about) he was standing out the back while talking to them and without even asking he agreed to have a technician come and check out the line on Thursday morning between 9 & 12. So I had to finish work at 7 and then stay awake until the tech guy came to check the connection. I was kind of pissed off especially when he was given the option of morning or afternoon. When I asked him why, he replied that it didn’t occur to him that it would be a problem. God he can be a freaking bonehead sometimes. So when the guy arrived at 11:30 my eyeballs were half hanging out of my head from lack of sleep, at that stage I had been awake for 26 hours straight, he was asking me questions and I sounded like a complete twat when I answered them. He was only there for 10 minutes (if that). I was like…Seriously? You kept me awake for 10 freaking minutes??? Even then he was only there to do the initial consult and the proper technician was to arrive the following day “Sometime”. So that stuffed my plans for Friday because no one could give me a definite answer as to when the guy was coming. “Sometime tomorrow”… what kind of a bullshit answer is that seriously?!?!?!?!

The little man that fixed it (and yes he was little, he was shorter than me [I'm only 5'9"], and he looked to be old enough to be the one who originally set up the telephone lines and cables back in the area) was a darling little man. I happened to glance out of the window and saw him sitting in the gutter eating a sandwich. I went and offered him a cup of tea or coffee (he took coffee btw), so I made him a latte in a take away cup and took it to him. It’s always nice to treat others well, they are the ones that help you get by in the world or in this case connect to the world. Wherever he is tonight… Thanks little dude, your a champion! The problem was with a connection box attached to the lightpost less than 6 metres from my front door. Some wire got loose and as it was moving around we would gett internet while it was connected to the other wire but then it would drop out when it moved again. Honestly, when kind of stone-age connection infrastructure do they have in this area???

I’m glad the internet was fixed for today though to coincide with the release of OS X Yosemite (5.6Gb worth of operating system). All in all the internet is back on and I am happy to say that I was able to get the new operating system on my desktop and laptop before I came to work tonight.

I pray to the Goddess that I don’t have to go through all that again in a hurry!

Until later
G

MY MONKEY

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Today’s post comes from a reader question about how I come to have a son.

Hi gang

It’s funny how a simple joke or comment can become something or a catalyst for something. This is how I came to have a son.

For while I was friends with a lad (for this post I will call him Mr. J) and he was fun to work with here at the nursing home and his look as a new up & coming drag queen. During that time he found himself a companion (someone I now call Monkey). As many relationships go when people break-up the friends are divided between the two of them. I moved to (and very luckily so) the Monkey camp after Mr. J showed his true colours as post-pubescent psychopath. After their break-up Mr. J deleted me from the various forms of social media in which we were connected. After that time Monkey kept in contact and pretty soon we were catching up for coffee regularly. I would pick his brain about gay youth issues for my PhD (and he introduced me to a others who I informally interviewed on similar topics) and he would pick my brain about what he should do (what I would do) in certain situations.

Soon our catch up times became less about picking each others brains and more about just general chatting and hanging out together. I found out that he was a very talented artist and he had such a quirky sense of humour. He would tell me about the boy/s he was dating/sexting/screwing – what can I say he was never short of a good story.

One afternoon while sitting at Buskers (a coffee shop now gone – removed to make way for the revolting rundle mall refurbishment – something I’m still annoyed about) and his then Gymnastics coach stopped on his way past and said hi. During the conversation he paused and asked Monkey if I was his father, we laughed about it at the time and it kind of becaame an on-going joke. He would call me Dad while conversing over social media and while we were out catching up etc. There was one time he would did it just to embarrass the heck out of me. Anyway when I took up with my now ex (I really should come up with a better term for him if he is going to pop up in my posts from time to time) he became “second dad” or “step-mom” depending on how cheeky he was feeling at the time.

Nowadays anytime he introduces me to his friends he tells them “This is my dad, (insert name here).” I’m the one he rings when he needs help or is sick and needs parental-style care. An example of this, today he messaged me and told me that he lost his wallet and the bus company found it, they got in contact with him and said it was at their depot in the outer suburbs and he could pick it up there. So he asked if I would go pick it up and bring it to him, which of course I said yes. So he called the depot back again and told them his dad was coming to get it and gave my name etc. It was the same when he was sick the other day with gastro. In return for the help that I give him, I’ve also had to sit him down and give him a “talking to” about his future and the fact that he can’t stay on welfare for the rest of his days and now that he is over 21 he needs to make some decisions about where and what he want to do with his life.

Part of me thinks that I am transferring a lot of the guilt I have by not being involved in my own children’s lives onto Monkey. Another part is I see so much potential in this kid that I want to see him become something amazing (I already think he’s amazing, I think other deserve to see it as well) and make enough money that he doesn’t have to live in shared accomodation or have money worries.

Having him in my life has made it a hell of a lot richer (and at times poorer – it’s not cheap being a father these days aparently lol). To be honest if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be having my surgery in January. He is more often than not a guiding light in this dark, hellish pit we call life.

Just as a side note a hug from him makes me feel a million dollars and almost invincible because they are so heartfelt and genuine.

I would love to see him find a special someone, and get his dream of a “husband”, a home with a couple of dogs (furry children) etc. But until he finds his Mr Right, I will not doubt here about his Mr Right-Nows.

Until later
G

REAL WORLD Vs OUTSIDE WORLD

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Hi gang

I would like to add something that would brought up in a previous post about being part of the real world. When I spoke of the real world I was talking about life outside my usual four walls (these walls are – Work, Uni, gym and up until recently relationship). Being inside these four walls you tend to forget that there are people outside and a world that should be experienced. The removal of one of these walls (the relationship) has left an opening for me to experience the outside world again. Maybe that is what I should have called it “otside world” instead of “real world”. However when I was writing it I was being philosophical in thinking that with the four walls that I created around myself I was able to experience the “ideal” hallmark card style life. A life that was able to ignore the world around if it was considered ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ or just plain old ‘upsetting’. It was a fantasy bubble that kept me going and also so blinded that I couldn’t see when my now ex was having a hard time coping/dealing with his evolving sexual identity.

So yeah the is a real world and there is also an outside world. For me at the time I wrote the post in question “ALL IS GOOD” I considered the real world and the outside world to mean the same thing.

Until later
G

P.S. The sugar cookies turned out brilliantly and tasted great – especially with my vanilla flavoured almond milk.
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A LETTER…

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I had lunch with a friend and they attempted to tell me a few what they call “home truths.” Some stuff he thought that I needed to hear. The first bombshell was I shouldn’t have my tumour operation and just go out with a bang – a blaze of glory even. He has an affinity for the dramatic to say the least. Afterwards the little seeds of doubt that he had planted started to take root and had me thinking about some of my recent choices especially in regards to entanglements with people I have in my life – one more specifically. This led me to writing a letter that he will never see (hopefully)

Dear *My special someone*

Over the past couple of months I you have made me happier than I have been in quite some time. I usually don’t allow my emotions to take control of any situation but this time I they ran riot. Even when trying not to think about you, you pop into my head and it makes me smile. We both talked of future projects together and made silly plans to do them. To be honest I could honestly say I really liked and cared for you.

You know that I would do anything for you and have done so. At your request I have rearranged my timetable, and driven miles just to see your smiling face for only a moment. Now I am doing this for you.

It was pointed out that it was inappropriate that I continue our “friendship”. There were a number of reasons sited. So I will try and run through them as they were explained to me by my “friend”.

There is such a considerable age difference. This means that we would have nothing in common to talk about. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with someone younger than myself because I’m going to 40 on my next birthday. While you will still be wanting to go out and have fun until the wee small hours of the morning I will be either working or too tired to accompany you. Should I start looking at retirement homes for myself?

At the moment I am a ticking time-bomb with the whole tumour thing. You shouldn’t be stuck with someone who could get sick/die or even worse end up living with a colostomy bag for the rest of their lives. You deserve to be with someone young, fit and healthy. Granted this one does worry me but having two special people in my life (you and my son) demanding for me to have the operation because they want me around for a while yet has given me the jumpstart I needed to keep the fight.

My friend also pointed out that even our education statuses are poles apart, with me just about to finish my doctorate and you not even attending university. I don’t see that as a problem but as my friend pointed out that you may become resentful about or believe that I don’t think you’re smart enough. I understand the difference between book smarts and street smarts and know that everybody in this world has something (a talent or skill that is unique to them) that makes them special. These people are the ones that make sure that the world keeps going, while those that put themselves on their educational pedestal still don’t know how to change a washer in a tap or change a car tyre if it gets a flat and who do they have to call??? Those who they look down on and refuse to look at as intellectual equals.

Apparently looks are something that I also need to concerned with. It was commented that you have to look of a bogan and I need to be dating someone of extremely good looking. Because I am so sort after by painter and sculpters the world over, I should be only associating with the beautiful people. In all honesty I don’t care if you looked like the back end of a horse, as long as you make me happy, and treat me right.

To my friends disgust I recent joined the HEMP (Help End Marijuana Prohibition). He (my friend) believed that it was because of your influence. Despite the fact that I am a grown man and able to make decisions on my own. Truth is I know a number of people that enjoy the green and they know that I do not partake, it’s their choice. Just the same as it was my choice to smoke for years. I believe that free will is an illusion cooked up by the government to make those living in the world (Sheeple) feel better about what is happeneing around them. In this instance smoking the green is a lifestyle choice, something you choose to do on your own free will. I honestly believe that it would do wonders for the medical industry. In a way I wish I had thought about smoking it when I had cancer last time because the pain mind blowing.

So as you can see there are a great number of reasons that we shouldn’t be together. That being said I can think of some that convince me otherwise and they are the ones that are important to me.

I love the way your hand fits in mine like it was designed to be there
You make me smile
You know that I ama dreamer and need to be brought back to earth ocassinally
You take my feelings and thoughts into consideration before doing things

the list goes on but I think you get the picture. I continue our “friendship” because not because i do it in spite of anyone or because I am forced to do so, I do it because I want to and thats all that matters.

Yours

G

ALL IS GOOD

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Hi gang

I’d taken a few days off from blogging because life has got a little hectic and honestly there are only so many hours in a day.

I had Friday and Saturday night off of work Friday was my usual night off and I had the great joy of doing editing on my PhD (oh the fun!).

On Saturday I spent the day again catching up with friends, doing a little grocery shopping and gyming. That evening however I was halfway through baking a batch of sugar cookies I got a phone call from a friend who told me I had to go out with them because I should see what happens on a Saturday night in the real world (outside of work). So I baked the last batch, had a shower and headed into town. Embarrassingly enough I lsted an hour and a quarter before I decided that it was all too much for me to handle and went home. During that hour though I was introduced to a number of people. I tried to be friendly despite not knowing how to cope in such a foreign situation. I really need to go and do things more often with other human being besides going to work, gym and home. I thought I embarrassed myself with my social awkwardness, but apparently I caught the attention of a couple of people and they have been asking around to who I am and why they haven’t seen me around before.

I got up early and iced the cookies with frosting and sprinkles and set them aside to set. Went to archery for my second lesson on the Sunday morining and spoke to one of the guys about my compound bow and he said he would have a look at it for me (wOOt wOOt) and he would set up one of the clubs comounds for me to practice shooting with next week. Then I spent the afternoon with a special someone. He acted as my guardian and protector while I watched American Horror Story – I kid you not the clown in that thing made me almost have kittens mulitple times. then that night it was work as usual. However it was one of the busiest nights I’d had in ages, not even enough time to scratch myself.

It doesn’t sound like a lot but by the time Monday moring came around I was more than ready for my bed. That evening I had to make a mercy dash to my son. He sent me a 911 message and so I called him to discover he had gastro and he waited until the evening to tell me. So I finished my workout (I only had 5 minutes left) went home had a quick 3 minute shower and then drove 45 mintes to take him some medication and lemonade. I picked him up from his friends place drove him back home and after sitting with him for 30 minutes until he was almost asleep I drove myself home again. The things we do for our kids right?

Until later
G

THE FLOODGATE

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Alright class, show of hands, who here has ever heard of Google?
Excellent, more than half of you.
Okay then, show of hands again, who of those that have heard of Google have used it for an “internet search”?
Wow, all of you. That’s just brilliant.
One last question for you mighty internet explorers, who here has “Googled” either their current boyfriend or girlfriend Or their potential boyfriend or girlfriend?
Only two of you, I was sure that there would have been more…

Hi gang

That’s the internal style monologue I have withmyself when ever I do a blog post – weird ain’t it?

Anyway…

Last night when I was fed up with compiling a care package of lists of names and places for *my special someone*’s housemate to try and gain employment so he can move out quicker and easier. I can’t wait to see the tail end of him to be honest, with him out of the picture the pathway will be open for me to start properly dating *my special someone* as the housemate is kind of his boyfriend as well. They have separate bedrooms and stuff but ocassionaly they get together. Apparently the housemate is more into this than *my special someone*. The only reason it is to remain like this is because *my special someone* can’t afford to keep the house by himself. It’s something I just have to deal with if I want to continue seeing him. Must admit though I hate being “secret boyfriend” or “the mistress”. Our goodbyes are rushed and I am never able to properly kiss him goodbye. The one thing that I am having difficulty with is not being able to walk him to his front door at the end of our time together – I know it’s old fashioned, but I feel that I need to see him safely home.

Back to the main point of the blog post.

Last night I Googled *my special someone* and today when we caught up for coffee and chat I surprised him by dropping a few random things into the conversation. I don’t know why but he looked kind of nervous when I explained what I had done. I can tell you one thing, he may not have a blog but he certainly has an online footprint. There were a couple of social media programs/sites/apps that we both use so I was able to “follow” him. Not only that but he can be a bit mouthy whilst sitting behind a keyboard – telling people what he thinks about particular products and services that can be found around the city. The best thing is he such an unusual way of spelling his money, I know that it is him. By typing in his name a floodgate was opened as to who he is when he thinks no one is looking – I think that’s what the appeal of facebook is, you think no one is looking so you say anything that crosses your mind about places, people and products.

Was I unhappy about what I found when I Googled him? No.

He made some valid points with his reviews and as for his instagram and pintrest pages, they had some great photos and pieces of art that he likes.

If you haven’t done it I recommend doing it. In the Google search engine type in your partner / potential partner’s name but make sure you have it between inverted commas to make sure you get an exact match. For example if you were to Google me you would type in: “Cubbie McPrude” and watch the world wide web open up telling you all about me. Have fun doing it though, and remember… What you put on the internet, stays on the internet.

Until later
G

THE GREEN ARROW, I AM NOT!

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Hi gang

Someone asked me to talk about what I thought of archery.

To sum it up in one word “AMAZING!”

Within the first hour I was firing that bad boy at the butt (Target) and having an absolute blast in doing it. By the end of the first session I was already starting to get groupings of my arrows. That being said I did not get one bullseye the entire session. I’m hoping that this week coming up I may be able to get better and hit the target somewhere within the dark blue centre ring.

Watching the show ‘Arrow’ the guy who plays Oliver Queen, Stephen Amell, makes it look exceedingly easy. You just pick up the bow, grab and arrow and send the thing hurdling towards its target and it will always hit. Sadly ladies and gentlemen the fantasy is nohting like the reality. You have to hold the bow and arrow in place until you feel comfortable in it’s targetting placement, that is only after you make sure your feet are in the correct alignment, you are in the correct position for shooting the arrow etc.

That all being said I had a great time, and the more I practice the better I will get. It’s not like I am aiming to go into competitions or anything like that it’s just something to do on Afternoons when I have nothing else to do, or even morning for that matter. I never shot a bow and arrow as a child so I had no idea what to expect, but as an adult (who is slightly competitive to say the least) I like that this is something that can challenge me for a while, something different. If you have never done archery before I say you really should try it and if you have done it before, get back into it – it’s loads of fun. Besides all of that I have to be ready to defend myself and Malakai when the Zombie Apocolypse arrives.

I have two more sessions of it over this week and next week and looking forward to challenging myself to do better. Mind you I will be watching others in my group to see how they score and see if I can’t kick their asses too.

Until later
G

BURN IT TO THE GROUND

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Hi gang

It has been a while between posts. I do apologise about this and hope that you forgive me. Over the weekend I had the great opportunity to go to an archery training course that is being run each Sunday for 3 weeks. In order to make sure that I am there on time and not look like I dragged myself from the trenches I have taken the Saturday nights off prior to each of them.

So instead of going to work I have been catching up with friends who I would not normally get to see because of work. That being said I am getting just as little sleep as I normally wourld if I had actually come to work. Somehow from the time I woke up from my 2 hour nap on Saturday morning after work I managed to get a whole 5 hours sleep until I crawled into bed on Monday morning.

I drank that many cups of coffee with various different people over those couple of days I couldn’t have slept even if I wanted to.

By Sunday night my shoulder was killing me, mostly the Lats and Traps were in a crap load of pain – again another reason I couldn’t sleep.

By the time I crawled into bed on Monday morning after dropping a friend off at her place because the public transport system is so ridiculous here on weekends and public holidays I said to the housemate “If I could have burnt my work to the ground last night I would have.” I’m sure the residents here have a sixth sense about when the nursing staff are absolutley buggered and then they call 4 times more than normal. I didn’t even get a break that night – had to work straight through.

However I survived as I always do.

The other highlight from the weekend was going out with someone special for a picnic lunch after Archery. I baked a batched of savoury muffins, made some nut and seed squares and a pitcher of home-made lemonade and picked him up on the way and there we sat by the river under the shade of a big old gum and chatted and watched the world go by for a couple of hours. I seriously think I have developed some feelings for him. This kind of sucks because he is not available for dating until December – his reasoning is sound and I just have to suck it up until then. Yeah I will suck it up but I can tell you now I’m going to bitch about it something shocking lol.

Until later
G

SILLY LITTLE FEARS

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Hi gang

Someone asked me to talk about my fears and/or phobias if I have any because of a title I gave a post earlier this week.

Do I have any phobias? Yes I do.

I have 3 phobias:

1) Coulrophobia – The fear of Clowns. Currently the Great Moscow Circus is in town and there large clown statues scattered around the city and the outer suburbs. It really is terrifying to see one of these things in a place where they shouldn’t be. I have no idea why I am so scared of them it’s something that has always been there. One of the scariest movies I have ever seen was “It”. The creature/character Pennywise freaked the living hell out of me. Even this year when I went to Royal Adelaide Show I happened to spot one of these facepainted deamons, Im not going to say that I ran away, but I can say that I put my newly found power walking talent to good use.

2) Ornithophobia – The fear of Birds. When ever I see a bird out and about I tend to break out into a cold sweat. I am lucky people who know about this are good enough to shoo them away or point me in a direction that has none around. I believe I know why I am so afraid of these revolting, disease carrying, parasite infested things. As a child we grew up on a farm, and I was always a little scared of the chicken coop, so to make me go and collect the eggs was torture. A couple of times my brother locked me in there for a laugh. I would start screaming and each ocassion my parental units would stand back and laugh about it thinking it to be funny as well. I hate being locked into places where there is no out. (Slightly off track but I will still not use a shower that has coloured glass because it feels too enclosed). But in order to make a man out of me my father would have me hold the chicken while he cut their heads off with and axe. Have you ever seen a chicken running around with its head cut off. It truly is one of the more terrifying things you can ever witness. I don’t know if they were chasing me specifically but they kept coming at me with its wings outstretched like it was preparing to attack. As I am writing this I can feel heart racing and my hands getting all clammy so I’m think yeah thats the reason why I’m so scared. The neighbours that just moved out had a chicken and the sound of it clucking would almost leave me catatonic – worse thing was it was kept right near my bedroom window and I would hear it a lot. I had so much trouble sleeping while they were there – so glad they moved out.

3) Arachnophobia – The fear of Spiders. This is common among many people I know so I don’t feel so stupid about this like I do the other two. This one has roots in my childhood. When I was 2 years old I was bitten by a red-back spider. Since then I have been terrified of spiders. I guess it was my own stupid fault that I was bitten but yeah it’s an experience that I still remember (Still is my earliest memory).

That’s it, I have had fears over the years that have come and gone. One of those was Agoraphobia, but that was post rehab. I couldln’t leave the house without someone to hold my hand (literally) which made going to the supermarket a real pain in the butt. The other problem was it was also Christmas time and I still needed to buy presents for family and friends and no-one was prepared to do the shopping for me. The way I got over that was to have a pair of headphones on and listen to music at a fairly high volume so I felt enclosed in a protective bubble of my own making. Weird I know but it worked and I still use the same techniques if I have to go into the city centre for any reason – iPhone loaded with music and my Skullcandy earbuds.

So there you have it my three big fears.

Until later
G

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